Haha.. this may look like a stupid journal and many of you will probably be like "WTF?" O_o but as dumb as it is, this is the reason I haven't been drawing at all lately! D: Inspiration & motivation to do anything have been sucked right out of me.
My feelings have been stomped on and thrown aside to rot. It feels like I got kicked in the gut. I am so furious with this show!! HOW COULD THEY?! D: *** The 100 Spoilers Ahead ***
I've never experienced anything like this before with a TV show. I've had shows play with my emotions.. that's what TV shows do! They kill off main and beloved characters all the time. And as much as it sucks most of the time, that's just how it is. They want you do get emotionally invested in characters and their stories. But the death of this particular character hit me VERY hard. Someone I looked up to and admired is gone. She's gone!! FOREVER. To many 100 fans, Lexa WAS the show or at the very least a HUGE part of it!
I knew Lexa was going to die. I knew they were going to take her away from the show, it was obvious. That and I always try to prepare myself for the worst case scenario!
The actress had commitments with another much larger show (Fear the Walking Dead) so that was a give in. Many of us were sadly assuming she'd die in the season finale or something close to it. That she'd die saving Clarke. Something epic for such an epic character. But I did not expect the writers to kill her so quickly and so pathetically! It's insulting to the badass character that she was. For the first time, in that episode, Lexa found happiness and love. She had a very rough upbringing and she was incredibly selfless... so to finally see her so happy was beautiful!
Lexa deserves all the happiness!
And LITERALLY a COUPLE OF MINUTES later she got killed off. BY ACCIDENT. It was not an honorable death. She just walked into the room at the wrong time and got shot by a stray bullet by a guy who wasn't even aiming at her or has ever used a gun before. LIKE SERIOUSLY!? And the accidental shot was like a bullseye - right under the heart. Even during that scene before Lexa walked into the room, I knew something tragic was going to happen. GODDAMMIT.
The writers & director did sooo much character development for Lexa. Her story was far from over.. still so many questions! She was introduced to us part way season 2 and then we had her for almost part way season 3. And they knew she was a fan favourite!!
My soul's been crushed and my heart's broken, honestly. I used to look forward to this show every week. It brought me an incredible amount of inspiration & motivation to do anything, especially drawing. It's always great to have something to look forward to.
And now, all my excitement and anticipation has been ripped out of me. There is no hope for this character. She is dead and gone forever. But what makes things worse is we will be seeing her in the season finale (science fiction stuff) only to have her DIE AGAIN. WE DON'T NEED ANY MORE PAIN. STOP RUBBING HER BLOOD IN OUR FACES!!!! STOP!!
I am doing my downright best to pull myself together and find anything that will give me the much needed motivational boost of energy. I have lots of drawings to catch up on! I finally logged onto DA today and I must say that it's helped a lot.
I don't have anybody in person to talk about this show or Lexa's death but there is a community of fans on youtube that are absolutely awesome to follow and listen to their thoughts on the matter.
Lol. All over a fictional character. What is wrong with me?!
Now I shall resume my grieving over Lexa. <333 I know I'll be down in the dumps for a few more days especially with the next episode coming up on Thursday. This show will never be the same for me again. D: But I'll keep pushing myself to sketch and appreciate my real life, my dog Navi, family and you guys! <33