Ok. The negative first
I've been... I don't even know but the best way to describe it is "Life block". A slightly bigger buddy of the Art Block. I haven't had motivation to do anything when it comes to art. I haven't sculpted anything new or drawn anything new in almost a whole year. It really doesn't help that I never had a drawing buddy in my life. No one I ever shared common interests with. It gets to be very draining, constantly trying to motivate myself.
I don't care about dog shows anymore (I used to enjoy taking pictures of all the breeds), I don't care about craft shows & exposing my art.. I just don't care anymore.
All the care has been sucked right out of me. I just constantly feel like I don't belong in this society. And honestly, I've never been anything more than an annoying nuisance to all.
I tried so hard to be a part of the dog show world. My view on the situation is your parents have to be known breeders or you have to be friend's with the breeder's kid to be apart of that world. It's so political.
I truly tried to connect with George and Navi's breeder but all I ever got was a great big, prolonged, subtle rejection. That side of the dog world, showing & breeding, interested me. I found it fascinating. Dog genetics still remain one of the biggest and coolest mysteries to me. But even just to have that little "breeder owner" relationship would have made my world. Just to have someone that cares. My Navi is my every day pride and joy.. all I want is to be able to share that with others. It hurts when no one cares, especially when it's my dog's very own breeder. The one that brought this beautiful soul into existence. Every time I sent updates, I never got responses or acknowledgements. The breeders just didn't care that much about their puppy people. I don't like that.
After so many years of trying to be a small part of their lives, even just a small fraction, I gave up. I just wanted to feel included. To feel a part of it. But all I got was "I have my life, you have yours". I also got the same cold rejections from the littermate owners. I tried to be as little invasive as possible. Just to know how Navi's siblings were going. All I got were consistent ignores. The "this is my life, get your nose out of it". So I have no clue how Navi's siblings are doing. And I left it at that. With it all, I stopped caring. I let go. I cut the contact (something I never did). And it's not just the two breeders that have somewhat encouragement me to take this route, most people I have ever tried to befriend were pointing me in that sad, sad direction.
And that has changed me. It has changed the way I think now, the way I feel (which is somewhat empty).. the way I do anything. I am more careful now and my trust in people is low. I always try to keep an open mind but the world just keeps reminding me how cold and distant it is. It's a constant battle but I am trying to get over it.
One big thing that has "changed" me is the failure with my "dream dog". Nothing new. The breeder let me down really badly, leaving me with a mentally and physically sick dog on my own. I don't have the dog anymore and I'll just leave it at that. If you have questions, I'd rather note them privately to you. This explains the "All Breed Project" I gave myself to be on hold for so long. Even though it's been over two years now, the impact cracked my soul real good. I don't see dogs the same way anymore. I honestly don't even like dogs anymore.. which I would have never thought to say 3 years ago. I realized how little tolerance I have with bad dogs. If it's a bad dog, I "don't like" it. I can't explain it. I could not bring joy to my failure dog no matter how much heart, blood, sweat and tears I put into it. A big thing I mean by this is, if I can't make this dog happy and give it the best life I possibly can, it brings me stress. Hence me not wanting to be around it. That's just how it is now. O_o I don't understand people who say they have "dream dogs". I don't understand people who want puppies.. another dog. Why though? If you have that perfect something with your current dog, why potentially ruin it? What if that dog ends up being a total mess? I just can't relate with the stress. With that, my venting:
I hate barky dogs, especially when they are barking for no reason. Yes, I get you are guarding your property but COME ON. I am houses away from your stupid house and you continue to bark for 5 more minutes?? I hate dogs that shred their own bedding. You want to lay on the cold hard crate floor, so be it. It doesn't bring me any joy knowing you are depriving yourself of comfort. the soul purpose being you may actually kill yourself trying to eat the bedding. I hate dog aggressive dogs. I don't like them at all. Obnoxious dogs drive me nuts and I have no respect for that. Obnoxious puppies. Sorry, I can't do it anymore. Males that want to breed and hump everything... I can't stand them. Dogs obsessively licking private parts and licking any other part of their bodies. Just no. No obsessing!!!! Difficult dogs stress the heck out of me. I don't respect dogs that don't respect people. I know my fair share of spoiled dirty rotten dogs and their behavior truly is unacceptable. I don't expect a dog to be perfect, no one is but seriously?!! You let your dog drag you across the street just to sniff a fire hydrant?! I can't stand it when dogs eat garbage off the streets. AHHHHHHHHHHH. I only truly appreciate a dog with personality. No, not the goofy, drooly "I love everyone" attitude. A dog that thinks. Can read through you. Very smart yet not a psycho demanding, mental exercise craving dog that needs 5 hours of constant something. Just a controlled, happy companion. A dog one could enjoy and vise versa, just as it should be. A team.
I will leave my breed preferences out of this. Lets just put it this way, there aren't that many breeds I like anymore!
I can find reasons for disliking them all.. lol, don't even ask me what breed I'd recommend to others. I have no recommendations. No, not even Wheatens!
Because of my negativity and lack of tolerance with most dogs, I began avoiding the dog forums. I just can't relate to these normal dog lovers anymore. It kills me. So instead of being negative there, I just avoid it all together.
Don't even get me started on dog husbandry. Being a dog groomer, I see my daily dose of care neglect. If you truly love your dog and your dog means the world to you, why on earth do you let its teeth rot out of its face!? That is sick, disgusting and incredibly uncomfortable/painful. And don't get me started on the weight, mats and nails. Guinea pigs:
The three guinea pigs I have do not get along. I practically gave up on them too. Don't get me wrong, I love them so much and care for them the best I can. I just feel disconnected from them. I can't see myself with more guinea pigs in the future.
I pray to goodness that changes.. I still see guinea pigs as the most beautiful little creatures on the planet. So very cute.Onto the positive:
A good indicator that I am being optimistic is when you see me on here. Lol! If I am not on DA, I am not inspired, keeping my distance from beings... Navi:
My Navi is practically the only dog I tolerate now. The only dog I love with all my heart. The only dog I see myself with. She never dies by the way. This girl lives forever. I am not even exaggerating but if I lose this dog, I lose myself. I can't lose this dog.
By the way, Navi earned her first ever agility title a couple of weeks ago!! VADC (Veteran Agility Dog of Canada). We just need two more clear runs to get our second Starters title, being the Game Dog! We have our trials coming up this month!!! Just one more Snooker and Gambler!
Navi's a star! :') She also picked up her CGN (Canine Good Neighbor) title mid September! The pride I have for this bearded dog.. so immense! Pokemon:
I have been very into pokemon the past couple of months. Pokemon has aways been dear to me. :3 I grew up with it so it truly keeps nostalgia close by! Same as my Nintendo 64 :') And this is what is driving me to the road of motivation. Having lost the heart to draw dogs, I feel the urge to draw pokemon. They are just so much fun and I love my teams from my handheld games. I truly want to restart "Draw Em' All". I would like to try out Copic or Prismacolor markers for that. Markers make so much more sense for me instead of water colors and prismacolor pencil crayons. I just find the water colors a hassle to set up and I never got the right technical with the pencil crayons or a satisfied effect.
So, who know? Maybe you will see more pokemon from me here!!!
I am almost done completing my Pokemon Y pokedex! from the 719, I just need 12 more. The big one being Manaphy which I will be transferring from my heart gold!!
My FC is 0404-7574-5909
if you could make room for another friend! I would really appreciate it!
I am currently playing my brother's white 2. He stopped playing pokemon at about that time and only got to three badges before he completely stopped playing. He let me temporarily finish up his game with my very own team just so that I can get Reshiram and Latias. I need those for my Y version!
It's been a fun ride with pokemon white 2 the past couple of weeks! I am almost done! Just gotta beat the elite four and get them legendaries!
I can't wait for Omega Ruby!
I haven't been taking many photos either. But I occasionally get some shots of my dog, Navi, I am pleased with. I am so behind on uploading the photos. Actually, I am a year behind (never got around to uploading last Christmas photos up here). I will do my best to get back on track.Sculpting:
I have to get back into the groove. I really, really have to. I still have a long overdue request/possible commission to finish up. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about that sculpture. It's sick, really. ._. It will happen, I know it will!!All in all,,
Hopefully I'll be getting back into the art of things!!!
If you want to talk, I would be thrilled to have someone to talk to..
I need that so very much. I love nintendo, pokemon, drawing animals & creatures & fantasy (& hopefully dogs again). I am always up for anything!!
I just need that much needed jolt of motivation and inspiration.
Thanks for reading my stupidity! Tell me yours! 8D
Wow, I should have wrote this 6 months ago. That felt good.. that much less out of my system! A step in the right direction for me!!